Unemployment hits 100% in Alabama

Funny story written by jd Balderdash

Sunday, 8 January 2006

image for Unemployment hits 100% in Alabama
Competition's "ruff" at the traffic lights

Alabama Governor Robert Riley was "let go" yesterday officially bringing Alabama's unemployment rate up to a staggering 100%. Even the unemployment office is unemployed making it difficult if not impossible to find any type of work in the state. Since all 5 million residents are now unemployed, competition for prime locations at the traffic lights is at an all time high.

"It's a bit chaotic" Anderson Cooper said after having walked 50 miles into Mobile from neighboring Mississippi because of the lack of open Tiger Marts in Alabama. He reported,

"No electricity, no water, no commerce of any kind, no police protection, not even an open trailer park museum. It's almost surreal. "

One of the last Alabama residents to have a job told reporters,

"I knew my time was comin when I suddenly noticed that the only ones WORK'n in the Walmart were me and the manager. After I got my pink slip I do believe he had to fire himself then walk himself out of the Walmart and take his own badge."

Texas governor Rick Perry offered additional condolences and encouragement to Alabama's now unemployed governor Robert Riley saying,

"We let the Katrina folks in Governor .. so .. what the heck .. bring your folks on over, we'll give you cash and free stuff. No feuding though with the Louisiana folks. We've already got enough fires of our own."

Bubba Lee, owner of Montgomery's "Bowl n Skoal" said he thanked Texas for their generous offer of free stuff but that he, Bubba Lee was going to wait, see if things turned around, stick it out .. at least until Thursday.

Although millions of Alabaman's are getting unemployment checks they have no place to cash them with both banks in the state closed. President Bush has declared Alabama a federal disaster area and has authorized Congress to fly in 5 million cardboard "Will work for Food" signs. He said,

"Once Alabama's got at least one business open I'm sure the whole thing will cascade and before you know it nudie bars, liquor stores and country western joints will be popping open all over the place."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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