The Feeding of the 5000 explained

Funny story written by IainB

Tuesday, 16 August 2011

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It's a bit chewy

Theological Biblical Students at Wakefield Primary School believe that the story of the Feeding of the Five Thousand in the Bible is an example of the world's first Flash Mob.

"Basically," said Naomi Jefferson, "we think that Jesus put some sort of message on his Facebook status that kind of indicated his mum and dad were going to be out, and loads of people turned up for a party."

With a sudden influx of people, the Flash Mob spilt out into the streets and ended up by Lake Galilee.

"They were all having a good time, we reckon," said Lee Pofforth. "But when that happens to me, I like never have enough food in, you know? So it was probably the same with Jesus. I mean, If he only had like a grab bag of Wotsits and a pack of fish fingers, or something, then he needed to do something else."

Faith Hope knows how Jesus accomplished the miracle.

"My dad goes fishing at Wakefield reservoir," she said. "He uses dynamite. It's a really good way of catching load of fish dead quick like. He gets enough for us and some to sell on Doncaster Market. Some of it's even ready cooked, even if it tastes a bit metallic."

Having felt that they have successfully explained the Biblical story to everyone's satisfaction, the Wakefield Primary Students Theological Biblical Students will be turning their attention to the Resurrection.

"That could be a bit tricky," said Naomi Jefferson. "I mean, it's not like they had loads of experience in triple heart bus passes back then."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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