Justice Secretary Ken Clarke is preparing himself for a 100% discount on his political career after his plans to half the sentence of convicted criminals in England and Wales who chose to plead guilty to their crimes, were shelved.
Prime Minister David Cameron suggested to reporters outside the Houses of Commons that the leaden footed Clarke would be extended a retirement plan that could seriously disrupt a man whose sleeping pattern based solely around his visits to the parliamentary chamber.
Cameron told reporters, 'It's not just losing a job for Ken, is it?'
'This 100% discount on his career will mean he has to re-establish his whole sleeping pattern, and everyone knows how exceptionally difficult that can be.'
'But his suggesting we would half the sentence for every criminal who pleads guilty in a court of law is as preposterous as suggesting the criminal should spend the other half of the sentence at his victims house.'
'In this instance, that would mean Ken coming over to sleep at my house during Prime Ministers questions, as I, and the Coalition are the real victims in this.'
'And I'm not having those mouth filling size 12 hush puppies anywhere my house.'
Labour Leader Ed Milliband insisted the move came too late, suggesting the Justice Secretary should have been put out to pasture long before he had established his Parliamentary slumber time.
'There's no way a member of my front bench team would sleeping during a sitting of parliament.'
'Not when they already do it during our policy meetings.'
