Michael Owen eager to offset future medical bills with extended Man U stay

Funny story written by Deafo

Tuesday, 31 May 2011

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An Owen hatrick

Out-of-contract striker Michael Owen has re-iterated his desire to offset his future medical bills by extending the amount of time he has spent in the luxuriant surroundings of Manchester United's treatment room by a further year.

The 31-year-old, who helped his team win a record 19th title with a contribution of 1.56 % of their league goals, hopes Sir Alex Ferguson will opt in favour of continuing to write off access to treatment 1 at the club's Carrington training ground.

Owen told reporters in Manchester that he sees an extension to his previous terms as pivotal to securing an effective means of minimizing the costs associated with supporting an ailing physical condition.

'I've really enjoyed my time at Manchester United, particularly picking up trophy's I have played no meaningful part in securing.'

'It's been a wonderful experience, even though the pay-as-you-lay, sorry, play deal may not seem to make the most financial sense for a global footballing icon whose stock has fallen so far it resides amongst marine life unknown to science.'

'But when you consider the hair trigger tautness of my hamstrings and that the frequency which they ping is the only prolific thing about me these days, an extended stay at Old Trafford would ensure I received the very best of medical treatment without having to sacrifice any portion of my personal wealth.'

'Champion! Champion!'

Owen stated that should Sir Alex Ferguson opt against renewing his expired deal he would like to continue to receive rather a lot for contributing absolutely nothing.

'Getting something for nil input is a must.'

'I haven't completely ruled out a role in front-line politics with the Liberal Democrats.'

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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