Thatcher "David Cameron and Drugs? What's all the Fuss About?"

Funny story written by Monochrome

Thursday, 20 October 2005

image for Thatcher "David Cameron and Drugs? What's all the Fuss About?"
The Great She Elephant Charges In

Baroness Thatcher who was speaking at the Annual General Meeting of the Let's go Back to the Middle Ages and Put the Peasants Back in Their Place Society, has dramatically entered the David Cameron drugs debate.

"Is anyone really bothered about that sort of thing nowadays?"

Asked the handbag swinging Great She Elephant, swaying unsteadily in the slight breeze.

"What we all do in the privacy of our homes which doesn't harm anyone else is OK as far I'm concerned."

Said the now decidedly rusty looking Iron Lady.

"When you work hard, you need to relax and maybe stimulate the imagination a little. When I was running the country, I used to get by on a couple of hours sleep a month, not many people can do that without a bit of chemical assistance."

Winked the once terrifying Mad Maggie as a white coated assistant wiped away spittle from her chin.

"You need to find a way of just unwinding a bit sometimes. I know needed to unwind a bit after a long day in the commons sorting out the country and then meeting with those bastards who smiled at my face then stabbed me in the back."

Glared the shaking, but still not for turning, lady with the ‘Eyes of Caligula.'

"Dracula (Michael Howard), Pit-bull (Lord Norman Tebbitt), Dead Sheep (Geoffrey Howe) and I often used to kick back and unwind and, well just relax a bit, if you know what I mean.

"I got some of my best ideas while I was, ah, you know, just taking it easy; that speech I made when I came to power when I quoted Francis of Assisi about bringing harmony and stuff, we still laugh about that, selling of the railways, privatising prisons, the Poll Tax, sinking the Belgrano, the trickle down effect. I came up with some great quotes too; ‘There's no such thing as society.', ‘We are service economy'. I'd got loads more ideas that I just didn't get round to; closing the National Health Service, stopping state education, imprisoning the unemployed, invading France and Germany and Russia. It was me who stopped free school milk when I was an education minister you know."

Mrs Thatcher was asked if her stance wasn't a little hypercritical bearing in mind her former hard line on drug abuse.

"Don't push your luck sunshine!" Croaked the once strident Attilla the Hen with the ‘mouth of Marilyn Monroe.' "I know where you live, maggot!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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