UK suicide help desks implode as Royal Wedding approaches!

Written by Jaggedone

Tuesday, 26 April 2011

image for UK suicide help desks implode as Royal Wedding approaches!
The biggest Loony of them all did at least warn us all, look where Diana landed!

The forthcoming Royal Wedding is driving Brits absolutely nuts and now it's been officially confirmed.

Mental institutes, suicide help desks, psychiatrists, emergency wards, morgues, funeral parlours, etc, are being overloaded by people sick to death or driven to death by the blanket coverage of the event.

Those wishing to escape the country are too late; all ferries, planes, Channel Tunnel, trains are fully booked and the UK has turned into the largest "Loony Colony" on the planet and there is no way out.

Newspapers, tabloids, TV, radio, websites, etc, are cashing in on the "Big Day" and basically there is no where to hide apart from the local "Loony Bins" and the morgues?

There are several foreign nutcases, especially Yanks, who love it and are flying in for the event also many Chinese, Outer Mongolians, Japanese (for the photos) and several Alien races too?

A volunteer gave the following statement:

"It's pure and utter madness, thousands of depressed people are threatening suicide because of the non-stop coverage and the event is not even here yet; we're expecting the suicide rate to reach record heights on Friday when the wedding actually takes place and there will be absolutely no place to escape!"

Lifeguards around Britain have been put on "red alert" and the infamous cliffs at Beachy Head and Dover have been closed to the public.

More as the death toll increases!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more