Written by Bill Licks

Sunday, 3 April 2011

image for Michael Jackson stuffed and mounted outside an English football ground
'Piss on the Fulham, piss on the Fulham below'

Pop legend Michael Jackson has made an unexpected appearance in London, England almost 2 years after his untimely death.

The singer who had hits such as Thriller and Ebony and Ivory featuring Sir Paul McCartney, was unveiled in front of Fulham FC's ground, Craven Cottage by the club's chairman Mohammed Al Fayed.

'It was his dying wish' said Al Fayed 'that several months after his funeral, Michael wanted to be stuffed by the same taxidermist who stuffed Bubbles the chimpanzee and then erected outside a Premier League football ground in the West London area.'

'He was a lifelong Fulham fan and was a season ticket holder for several years although he didn't actually make it to any games. So it seems fitting that in the afterlife he will now be able to watch every single Fulham match for the rest of eternity..... Or until I run out of money and leave the club in a mountain of debt, ultimately leading to bankruptcy and a winding up order in court.'

Supporters of Fulham have reacted indifferently to the King of Pop's presence. Geoff Smith from Putney said 'I had no idea Jackson was a Fulham fan and even if he was I bet he didn't support us when we were in the Fourth Division. So I don't think his cadaver is worthy of its position next to the burger van around the back of the ground.'

However, Pete Jones from Battersea was more positive about the Billie Jean singer. 'It's fantastic to know that when I go and watch Fulham that I will now be in the presence of yet another superstar. First we had Hugh Grant and then we had Lily Allen and now Michael Jackson. What other club in the Premier League can boast a line up like that?'

Jackson's sister Latoya is not convinced that the stuffed pop legend is the genuine article and could be an imposter or a reject from Madame Tussauds.

'I knew Michael like he was my brother. In fact, he was my brother so I knew him like I was his sister and he was my brother .... er ...... but anyway. When we were kids he never mentioned anything about being a Fulham supporter.'

'He used to prefer Leeds United because he liked the thought of being connected to a group of people who enjoyed mindless violence and who had one of the most feared crews in Europe back in the 70's'

'That's what inspired him to write Beat It, because it was all about a skinhead from Yorkshire who smashed a baseball bat repeatedly over some copper's head.'

'Beat it, Beat it, No one want's to be defeated... you fucking pig. LEEDS, LEEDS, LEEDS, LEEDS'

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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