Sky to have a clear out of sexist staff - Andy Gray was just the first

Funny story written by IainB

Thursday, 27 January 2011


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No Sexism Please, we're Sky

After the Andy Gray and Richard Keys affair, the sexism row, not their homosexual fumbling in the commentary booth (which never happened), Sky has instigated a zero tolerance on sexism among their staff.

In a leaked memo sent to all staff, they are informed that all emails and telephone calls will be monitored using MI5 software to look for Keys words such as "chick", "baby", "hunk" and "slapper". Fanny Craddock, who has been brought back from the 1950s to do a food programme on the Sky channel Good Food, feels under pressure after receiving the memo.

"You see, dears," she said, "I was going to make Fanny's Chicken Breasts, but I would need to use baby chickens chunks for slapping into a frying pan. I don't feel I can do this now. I'm also told that my husband's sausage and Fanny's stuffing recipes are off limits due to something called innuendo."

Fanny isn't the only presenter feeling the pinch.

"Sexism is the mainstay of my act," said Jimmy Carr. "It's buggered my new late night show on Playboy, Ate Out of Ten Twats, I'm telling you."

With the zero tolerance policy in place, it looked like nobody's job is safe, and there is a witch hunt mentality running rife, with staff making accusations of sexism in order to clear out a promotion path.

"We've got to be careful we don't overreact," said human resource manager, Richard Feeler. "For instance, I've had three calls this morning about arse slapping. I think possibly only two of those are justified. The other one, I was simply turning a corner with my hands swinging."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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