Jennifer Grey Dedicates DTWS Win To Family She Killed In 1987.

Funny story written by anthonyrosania

Monday, 10 January 2011

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Jennifer Grey, almost unrecognizable with a human-sized nose, gave a tearful press conference in Los Angeles today, where she stated that she has dedicated her win on Dancing With the Stars to the family of Anna Gallagher and her mother, Margaret Doherty, who were killed by the 59-year-old "Dirty Dancing" star and her boyfriend, 7th-tier celebrity Matthew Broderick, in 1987.

No money, or anything. Just the victory.

Why Is It...

That Jennifer Grey and Matthew Broderick get a free pass for killing two people? Seriously. Must be nice to be white and beloved by the press. I haven't forgotten, however.

"That accident was the worst moment of my life," said Grey, whose father, Joel Grey, is 12,346 times more talented that she. "I couldn't believe the devastation it caused in my life."

On August 5, 1987, Grey was in Enniskillen, Northern Ireland, vacationing with Matthew Broderick, when he drove their rented BMW into an oncoming lane on a country road in Enniskillen, County Fermanagh and smashed head-on with the victim's 1979 P.O.S., killing them both.

"First, the accident damaged my neck," continued Grey. "Last year, my doctor said, 'Your spinal cord is so compressed that if you slipped or fell, you'd be paralyzed. Immediately.' I don't know why I never became paralyzed in the 24 years since the accident, but I believed him."

"Then, we had to pay for the damage to the BMW. That was like $11,000. Plus ass-head (Broderick) got a ticket for driving north in a southbound lane," said Grey. "He didn't have a pot to piss in, and I had all that 'ABC Afterschool Specials' money, so I paid for it."

"It totally screwed up our vacation, I wasn't able to go shopping in Monte Carlo, my tan went to sh-t," Grey continued, beginning to sob.

"And the most tragic thing was the two innocent victims: My agent and my publicist. I couldn't be in 'Dirty Dancing II: Dirty Bugaloo' because of the accident, so they missed out on a huge payday. They are the true victims."

"Oh, and those dead chicks too."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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