MI6 Chief John Sawers revealed all to an audience of select voyeurs as he performed the Full Monty to gasps of excitement.
'Now you have my secrets' he declared 'a miserable prick but does size really matter? I know these Spam emails continually tell me to grow my penis longer but I'm afraid the damn thing might come off!'
Ladies in the audience, sheltered from the unpleasant side of life fainted and had to be given artificial respiration. Others had the real thing.
From this dramatic start Sawers told of the threats to this country which he was dealing with although everything was so secret he couldn't find out what was going on. 'You get this with spies' he explained 'they are living several lives and you are never sure which life is with you at any given time.'
The MI6 key man went on to talk of his exciting previous life at the United Nations where his feats of endurance were legendary. 'I know you want to learn the secret of how I kept awake during those interminable speeches. Well, I didn't. I inadvertently slept through several crucial votes which resulted in a war or two, but what's that among friends.'
This joyful man was so unlike the ridiculous fictional stories of Spooks. He was really a man like anyone else and he wouldn't hurt a fly.
'There are grave threats to our nation' he insisted 'but they are being dealt with by thought control helped by coded messages from Mars only I understand.'
The audience departed thankful that MI6 had such a wise guy at the wheel for the choppy seas ahead.