Combine Harvester Found Under Boy's Bed

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 17 December 2010


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image for Combine Harvester Found Under Boy's Bed
Child C's bird, Shazzy J

It's not every day that you find a piece of farm machinery whilst rummaging around under your 9-year-old son's bed, but that is exactly what happened to one young mum as she cleaned-up in her son's bedroom at the weekend.

Karen Low-Cal, 46, from Stoke, was tidying-up her sons's things that had, typically, just been shoved underneath his bed, when she discovered, to her alarm, a fully-working combine harvester.

The big, yellow things are used by farmers to harvest crops including wheat, oats, rye, barley and corn from their fields, and it's not yet known how the devil one of them came to be nestling under the bed of Child C, Mrs Low-Cal's wayward son.

Said Karen:

"I saw a pair of dirty underpants sticking out from under the bed, so I bent down to pick them up. They were caked in semen. It was only then did I see this huge, yellow contraption near the skirting board. It was so large, I had to ask the next-door-neighbour to help me move the bed to get it out!"

Police were called, but last night said that there had been no reports from local farmers that any their combine harvesters had been lost or stolen, and that Karen was free to keep the machine if she so wanted.

Karen was thrilled at the prospect. She said:

"What the fuck is he going to stash under there next?"

Child C, who has 'behavioural problems', was unavailable for comment, as he was blowing dope down at the park with his mates and his bird, Shazzy J.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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