Written by Deafo

Sunday, 5 December 2010

image for 'FIFA inserted 45-minute claim into dodgy dossier' - Campbell
The red rag to FIFA's blinded bull

Alastair Campbell has sensationally accused FIFA of inserting the 45-minute claim into what later became known as the 'dodgy dossier' that went on to form the British governments case for war with Iraq in 2003.

The document, 'Iraq: Its Infrastructure of Concealment, Deception and Intimidation' suggested Iraq had the capability to coordinate a strike on Britain using weapons of mass of destruction within 45 minutes.

Campbell, the then prime minister's director of communications, says the phrase was placed there by a FIFA Executive intent on preventing English and American success in their bids to host the World Cup's in 2018 and 2022 respectively.

Campbell said, 'This makes absolute sense, more sense than the claim itself. Why would I have put it there? I would never have jeopardized the two bids like that.'

'Lets face it, FIFA surreptitiously setting us on the course to an unjust war by hyping Iraq's capabilities is the perfect reason for not selecting the English and American bids, isn't it?'

'The 45-minute bit, it's too much of a coincidence. I'm just surprised they didn't allow for some injury time at the end of the half given the impact any strike would have had.'

A FIFA spokesperson said he hadn't heard such unintelligible rubbish since David Beckham's presentation speech.

'Why would we include some injury time? No-one would have believed it if we had said they could hit within 46 or 47 minutes.'

'Besides, everyone would be dead.'

As the fallout from England's first round elimination continues, revisionists have been quick to link FIFA with the Great Fire of London of 1666, and the recent bout of flu suffered by former premier, Margaret Thatcher.

FIFA have, however, moved to quash claims that Fabio Capello's appointment as England manager was anything to do with them.

'No, no, no. That was Steve Mcclaren.'

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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