Isle of Wight News - Turner Pushing for Island Status

Funny story written by victor nicholas

Sunday, 21 November 2010

image for Isle of Wight News - Turner Pushing for Island Status
Novelty Tee-Shirts Must be Sold First

OneWight champion MP, Andrew Turner, has once again put his hand towards supporting the Isle by putting forward an act to the House of Commons to give the Isle of Wight full status and privileges as an Island within the United Kingdom.

Turner believes that "Gaining official Island status will increase tourism, the mainstay of our economy. Tourists who may have only planned a weekend visit to The Isle may feel more comfortable staying for a week or more on once we are an Island. There are many other economic spin-offs as well."

"We feel by achieving Island status more than ever others will come to appreciate the natural, distinct identity of the Isle of Wight."

Pundits say that Turner is being less than honest about his intentions and that he is still stinging from a failed amendment to overturn sharing constituency boundaries with the Islands of Argyle & Bute and Anglesey and the ancient duchy of Cornwall.

They believe that Turner's true intentions in his push for the Isle of Wight to gain Island status are thinly disguised and will soon be followed by renewed efforts to increase Parliamentary Representation to two full members.

Preliminary Bill to be read in the Commons tonight

An advance poll indicates support for Turner's bill appears strong among MP's. A preliminary reading of the bill will be made in the House of Commons later tonight and if successful will be considered in detail by the House of Lords.

"We have to proceed one step at a time if we want to make progress on this. We will fight on - as I promised in my election address."

Effects criticized

The former leader of the Liberal Democrats Charles Kennedy MP said while he supports Turner in principal over the long term, "We cannot forget the shopkeepers who have large stocks of novelty tee-shirts and souvenirs printed with The Isle of Wight name that cannot be easily be surplussed without suffering a loss. The new Island status should be phased in gradually to ensure all existing tee-shirts and souvenirs are sold."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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