Flogging the work-shy with lengths of birch is just one of the many draconian measures to be introduced by the lib-Con coalition. Nick Clegg robustly denied the new laws are diametrically opposed to Liberalism.'Look, we didn't get a majority, therefore that gives us carte blanch to do whatever we want.' Nick said .
Liberal Democrat MP's worried about their chances of re-election were told not to worry about them but to think of their own careers and income as the 5 years of shared power was easily enough time to rake it in.
'I know some people will think we are hypocrites and I am weak willed.' said Nick as he lit a cigarette with a burning 'pledge to win the student vote' leaflet
'but as I said to Davy, fuck them'
New Post-election objectives include a Bill to reintroduce cock-fighting and a re-naming of many Universities back to Polytechnic Colleges.
'If students want to play silly buggers,then bring it on. I have taken on nicotine addiction and almost defeated it, if the lower demographic want a fight
