Patriotic Brits Start Grass Roots Movement to Reactivate HMS Warrior to Protect Realm in Face of Defense Cuts!

Funny story written by Morse

Sunday, 31 October 2010

image for Patriotic Brits Start Grass Roots Movement to Reactivate HMS Warrior to Protect Realm in Face of Defense Cuts!
Health & Saftey Campaign to Discourage Retired RN Personnel from Enlisting on HMS Warrior!

In an outpouring of patriotic pride of historical proportions, now credited to the Cousin's Tea Party Movement, thousands of 'ordinary citizens' have founded and contributed to, a movement to re commission the HMS Warrior as a response to the latest Coalition Disarmament Plan.

With a rousing rendition of "Rule Britannia' in the background, a retired gunner's mate and RN historian now living in Bristol, has touched on a nerve as he is credited with reawakening the long slumbering British Pride in their Navy, and character in the face of adversity with a stunning picture gallery detailing the former glory of the RN. To date the internet sensation has racked up over 250,000 hits and brought in $1.2m toward the effort.

Unassuming bearded, but balding, naval historian Mickey 'Gunner' McFadden, said he was moved to start the campaign after recent announcements by the Coalition gutted the military budget in the UK in order to pay mounting tribute costs for the increasing tentacles of the EU based in of all places, Brussels.

Commenting to reporters Mickey said, "Not one penny for Tribute, I said to meself, "if the government won't take care of us, I say we take measures into our own hands to protect and preserve our heritage!"

The HMS Warrior currently lies in Portsmouth after being saved and restored during a 10 year process starting in 1979. The world's first armour clad warship was armed with rifled barreled breech loading long guns, and was so menacing, it never had to fire a shot in anger. With 4 1/2 inches of iron plating backed by 18" of teak it was impervious to anything that could have been hurled her way during that time.

Built in 1861 she was retired from full military service in 1883, but later served as a valuable fuel tender during WWII.

In a response to a call to arms and donations, hundreds of retired RN veterans have volunteered to get the ship ready for patrol duty during the London Games after Coalition spokesman Nick Clegg announced that Britain was unable to mount a credible defense against terrorism.

Said McFadden, " We can't offer much, 1/3 pay, hard biscuits and a bit of grog 3 times a day, but the queue to volunteer is getting longer and the lads can't wait to give it a go! The 7" RBL rifled barreled guns are in fine shape, and we've recently recovered thousands of unused shells beneath the Tower of London. As soon as we tune up the engine we've off to the Isle of Wight for a bit of target practice to sharpen the crew up a bit...the lads are chaffing at the bit!"

In a recent poll of Londoners 98.9% admitted they didn't know who Lord Nelson was, never heard of Winston Churchill, thought the Spanish Armada was served over couscous, and thought The Battle of Britain was the theme from last years Glastonbury Rock Festival.

Wayne Rooney said he thought the effort was worth supporting, and volunteered to chip in $100 "to preserve our current standard of living."

Health & Safety Officials are investigating the activity, claiming that Water, Guns, Grog and National Defense when mixed could cause a hazard to one's
well being.

The Council of Ministers said they will be issuing a statement
backing their policy of "PEACE IN OUR TIME" to countermand the growing patriotic sentiment in Britain which they deem "Dangerous."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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