London Games Shock! Defense Cuts Leads Coalition to Oursource Security to India!

Funny story written by Morse

Sunday, 31 October 2010

image for London Games Shock! Defense Cuts Leads Coalition to Oursource Security to India!
Life Like Inflated Fighter Ready to Be Deployed Onto Navy Hulk HMS Prince of Wales!

Admitting that "I lied" about maintaining World Power Status, Coalition spokesman David Cameron said that recent defense cuts have made it 'all but impossible to guarantee the safety of the 2012 London Games."

The shocking state of Britain's defense only came to light after Nick Clegg and EU Rep "Barrenness" Ashton, the $500k a year Pants Suit Politician, adamantly declined the offer by the US to station the Amphibious Assault Ship "Wasp" in the Thames Estuary to beef up security for the games in light of recent frightening terrorist activity.

The Wasp carries a contingent of Special Forces type troops in addition to 40 special operations assault helicopters, and the recent addition of 20 Harrier Jump Jets recently declared 'redundant' by the EU controlled Coalition.

Clegg, acting PM while Cameron was away in Brussels announcing the astounding capitulation to yet more EU mandated taxes to support the spreading tentacles of the EU, said defiantly, "We'll just have to make due with less, as usual!"

Saying that he, Clegg, has made the unilateral decision to subcontract out security to India proved that " we continue to support our cost cutting measures, and this move to outsource our security at a savings of over
$220B proves we are sincere!"

In addition to the crack security detail that reacted to the Mumbai Massacre, India said it would be sending back to Britain the recently unemployed Gurkha Brigade also declared 'redundant' by the Coalition.

Said an Indian defense spokesman, " Who better to send back to London? Our lads already speak the language, are familiar with the city, and are perfectly capable of waiting on table for visiting dignitaries."

A spokesman for M1-5 , speaking confidentially, said that Clegg has also ordered them to take a page from WWII history and commissioned several ballon manufactures to begin making light weight, life like recreations of Jet Fighters, helicopters and armoured personnel carriers with which to stock the decks of Britain's unfinished hulks the HMS Queen Elizabeth and the HMS Prince of Wales wilst tethered in the Thames. .

"Nick says 'if we can fool Hitler, we sure as heck can fool those Camel Jockeys" according to the source, who appeared somewhat skeptical.

According to Security Sources, there is some concern that Yemen has announced it will be sending over 4500 athletes to compete in the games, along with 2700 from Libya, 750 Olympic Rowers from Somalia, 75 Javelin competitors from Dafur, and 1753 Burka clad female athletes from the UAE.

Clegg said the concerns expressed by security experts was 'Overblown."

In the meantime India was gearing up their international terrorism alert call rooms and urged anyone who suspected suspicious activity to call 1-900-BANGladesh. There will be a $.99 charge for each call.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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