Cuts, cuts and more cuts have forced the "Dynamic Duo" into making many radical budget decisions and one of the worst hit areas is the military.
David Cameron announced the cuts in front of bewildered opposition MP's today and here are the main points to be cut, dried and frozen:
1) The Ark Royal and it's Harrier Jump jets are to be scuppered, albeit, 2 new Aircraft Carriers have been ordered and will be ready soon. Only one problem, they are not built to carry fighter planes? Cameron announced that in the interim they will become floating footy stadiums and those clubs with the highest bid and Rooney on their books can have them (Man City have already put in an offer!)
2) Dads Army is to replace the British Army? Cameron explained, "they're cheaper, die earlier, we don't have to pay long-term pensions and after all what have we achieved in Iraq and Afghanistan anyway, sod all!"
3) The Royal Airforce is to be franchised out too Ryan Air! They can't wait to get their cheap and nasty services up and running and promise at least a 99,9% improvement on punctuality. Also, from now on soldiers travelling with them are only allowed 10 kilo's of baggage (please leave all weapons at home!) and must buy their own coffee at £4,50 a cup + a scratch card?
4) UK armed forces in the future will only be allowed to shop for their uniforms at charity shops!
These are just a few of the cuts and to compensate this very difficult period Admiral Nelsons HMS Victory is being relaunched, no fuel needed just plenty of wind, thanks Mr.Cameron, you've "blown off enough!"