Government counter-terrorism strategy to price Al Qaeda off trains with a 10% annual fare hike

Funny story written by Jimbo Gunn

Monday, 18 October 2010

image for Government counter-terrorism strategy to price Al Qaeda off trains with a 10% annual fare hike
Cyber-terrorism is the next big threat

Opinion: THE mainstream media today chose to focus on the massive threat the UK faced from Cyber-terrorists, instead of an impressive cornerstone of government policy that will slash the threat from real world terrorism and strengthen government coffers.

The prospect of a 10% annual fare hike may at first not sit well with rail commuters on the Sleepyville to Alphaville branch line; that is until they consider the massive benefits in comfort and safety.

Not only will the plebs be forced off the line, leaving you free to downscale from a First season ticket without facing the prospect of sitting next to a pompous old nurse, smelly social worker or boring police specialist child protection civilian support worker; but very soon you can stop worrying about the swarthy-looking twenty-something bearded male stood sweating over by the lavatory carrying a rucksack - since the price hike is cunningly designed to price Al Qaeda operatives off the railways.

Heaven only knows why, on the day that this keynote policy was unveiled - along with several other price increases or service cutbacks also designed to improve public safety, such as the abandonment of child cancer care centres across the north and a 300% increase in pest control services in Surrey - the media chose to focus on the notional threat of Armageddon-by-Internet.

Government spokesman Andy Hack said he was disappointed the media had overlooked key policies to focus on a plot line from the 80's film War Games.

"This raft of cuts and price increases will save us all," said Mr Hack, adding: "and if you don't believe that, then the irresponsible Labour government is entirely to blame for this raft of cuts and price increases."

Meanwhile across Whitehall, media reports that the Conservative Party website was hacked this weekend were denied, with a party official insisting that Boris Johnson has indeed been chosen to stand for a second term as the official Conservative candidate for Mayor of London. "Mr Johnson is standing - this is not a joke."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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