Written by Ellis Ian Fields

Monday, 4 October 2010

image for Forest Levels Good News For Royal Navy
A proper ship.

A top naval expert has welcomed news that British woodland has returned to the levels of the 1750s.

Even better is a prediction that forests could soon cover 15 per cent of the country.

The news means that the country can at last resort to building the kid of ships that helped Britain rule the waves. Ships like Nelson's flag ship, HMS Victory (pictured).

Rear Admiral Morton Vulgar-Fraction, RN (retd.) said: "Back in the days when we were fighting Frenchy all round the world, it took thousands of trees to build one ship like the Victory.

"Once we'd secured the seas, we had used up a hell of a lot of forest. So by the end of the nineteenth century we had to start using bloody steel to build our ships.

"But now, well - we can start building proper ships again. Ships like they should be.

"I'm working on a paper for the MoD on this and I shall be lobbying for a return to wooden ships."

The admiral, who now lives at the Royal Home for Bewildered Old Seamen, near Portsmouth, had a distinguished career, seeing action in the Lake District and off the Isle of Wight during the Jimi Hendrix concert in 1970. He retired in 1987.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Royal Navy, Ships




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