Inappropriate Behaviour by Male Warders at women's prison

Funny story written by Xavier

Tuesday, 21 September 2010

image for Inappropriate Behaviour by Male Warders at women's prison
Prison uniform

The Prisons' Inspectorate have issued a damning report about inappropriate behaviour by male warders at the largest women's prison in the UK.

According to prisoners, male warders have been peeping at them through spy-holes in their cell doors, at night.

The governor has denied such activities saying that it is easy to make allegations but very difficult to prove.

Xavier News understands that a major cleaning operation was undertaken at the prison prior to the inspection to clean staining from the outside of women's cell doors and spattered on the walls around the cells. Male warders have also been restricted to two boxes of tissues a week and told to take used ones home with them.

Gasping and panting noises which were caught on the prison's CCTV system were said, by the governor, to be the sounds of lesbian inmates in the double cells however a secret report leaked to me clearly identifies at least 7 male staff who were caught on CCTV spending up to 20 minutes at each cell whilst making strange movements with their right arms.

A prison service spokesman said, "Masturbating whilst on duty is not an offence against warder's discipline, even if they are looking into women's cells at the time. The staff who are suspended are suspected of causing criminal damage by staining doors and walls instead of using Prison Service issue tissues."

A male warder at the jail said that Prison Service tissue is too rough on their skin, especially when they are on an all-night duty so they had no alternative but to spray doors walls and floors.

The POA have issued a statement saying that prison warders get few perks and the public do not understand the type of person they have to deal with on a day to day basis. They added, "these women are the dregs of society, many are mentally ill or have been caught shoplifting. The public should consider the crimes they have committed rather than concentrating on a bit of innocent fun by prison staff which hurts nobody".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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