Clare Balding, the famous lesbian who is no longer travelling by bicycle, is the victim of a tragic accident of grammar.
"I have contracted a comma between my first name and my surname" She announced on Twitter. "It is apparently rare - but as Clare, Balding I am now losing my hair. It is very distressing - but I am currently seeing the best grammarians that money can buy and am hoping for a complete cure."
Other celebrities who suffer from the same affliction are Alexandra, Burke and Nick Clegg, twat. Experts are divided about what causes the comma to appear - but remind us that it is not a common condition, and, the, public, should, not, worry, unnecessarily.
"Remember the panic that swept the US in the MacArthur era - when everyone feared a comma under your bed. They weren't common then and they aren't common now" Said a spokesperson for Department of Health - Dr Nick, Pratt.