The Government, keen to see cuts in public services, is suggesting Libraries - which have lost 10% of their visitors in the last year - should be sighted in pubs or supermarkets. They could be run by volunteers who want to give a helping hand.
A consultation document leaked to the media suggests Public Toilets would be the ideal location for libraries in future. 'They already have seats available for reading' writes the Minister of Learning 'the atmosphere of the average toilet is perfect for study and contemplation.'
To combat the argument that the smell might be a drawback, the leaked document counters convincingly by describing the smell recorded in several public libraries.
In another cost saving exercise the Toilet Libraries will have just one page of certain daily newspapers available. The ones sometimes seen in shit houses now. The other pages could be used for the purpose of wiping the rears of users, saving even more money.
Tom Crapper, who looks after several lavatorial establishments, is very enthusiastic about the Government proposals and looks forward to seeing the books available for borrowing. 'I've got a few ideas about the reading material we should have and I know people who would volunteer to look after it. It is the sort of literature best read on your own.'
Pamela Ponsonby, head of Library services in Britain, is known to have objected to the toilet move, but she has now found there are budget constraints that make agreeing with the development advisable. 'I've got to keep my mouth shut on the libraries in toilets proposal' she told me 'otherwise I might find myself swallowing more than I can manage.'
