Written by Bertram Chapley

Friday, 15 April 2005

image for Swingometer Stolen - Election Cancelled
Swingometer - nicked

The BBC announced that the election Swingometer has been stolen and as such the 2005 General Election has been cancelled. All thirty six of the major parties in the
current campaign have agreed to put things on ice until such time as the key item is retrieved.

In a hurriedly arranged meeting the BBC chairman Alistair Campbell has announced that it had gone missing overnight from Peter Snow's garden shed. The police have been informed.

"It's 1966 all over again" said a despondent Mr. Campbell. "We have tried to contact the owner of Pickles the Dog which successfully sniffed out the Joules Rimet Trophy after it had been stolen but unfortunately he had to be put down in 1968. Pickles himself died one year later"

"We are going to have to rely on the Police but we are confident" said Mr. Campbell.
"I myself will be monitoring Ebay to see if anyone is offering the item for sale but as of yet nothing has come up, only an Anal Intruder Mark 2 for which I have to wait another 5 hours to see if I have been successful"

Police are baffled as to where the machine has been taken and to what value it would have on the underworld market. A close eye is also being kept on BBC interviewer and University Challenge host Jeremy Paxo who three years ago was sent the stolen Enigma Coding Machine earlier stolen from Blexley Park.

"If there is a connection here we will find it" said a confident Inspector Nicholas Witchell. "Mr. Paxo says he has no knowledge of the whereabouts of the Swingometer and the news has knocked the stuffing out of him"

Manufacturers Swingometer PLC went into administration in 2001 and the only other manufacturer of Electoral Aids is Jeb Bush Corporation of Florida Pennsylvania who can only offer the Super Chad Counter Deluxe as an off the shelf item which is neither use or ornament to the UK.

Peter Snow himself is in tears and has informed his insurance company of the theft but has made it known that there is a £50 excess under his policy and that donations can be sent via the BBC.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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