Bradford mineral water company 'faces ruin' amid Stephen Griffiths furor

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Friday, 28 May 2010

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Contaminated: the Aire empties into the River Ooze

Bradford, Yorks - (Slashers): A bottled water business faces liquidation amid reports extraction from local springs is tainted.

Seepage from the now notorious River Aire has resulted in unexpected 'organic ingredients' surfacing at the company's plant near the River Ooze (sic).

Last week West Yorks Police found body parts in the river at Shipley, believed to belong to 'Bradford Ripper' victim Suzanne Blamires.

Local Bradford man Stephen Griffiths has been charged with her murder along with that of two other working girls.

A spokesman for the Aire Natural Mineral Water Co said today the springs' source is fed by the Aire which rises in the Yorks town od Malham Tarn before flowing underground to Malham Cove - known locally as Aire Head.

It then empties into the River Ooze.

the UK National Poisons Unit is investigasting.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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