Raoul Moat Tributes Flood In

Funny story written by Skoob1999

Tuesday, 13 July 2010

image for Raoul Moat Tributes Flood In
It Says Here That His Kids Don't Care That He Died.

Tributes have been flooding in praising deceased gunman Raoul Moat, who died in controversial circumstances in the early hours of Saturday morning following a tense stand-off with armed police officers in Rothbury.

One website recorded some 18,000 messages of condolence for Moat, describing him as, among other things, a gentleman, a hero, a trusted friend who could always be counted on, and a treasured friend.

Which comes at odds with media reports circulating about this man. Whilst generally receiving support from his hometown community, Moat has been vilified and demonised by Fleet Street in an unprecedented manner. (Unless you factor in Bin Laden and Abu Hamza.)

The press have revelled in releasing pictures of Raoul Moat in drag, wearing his partner's clothing (including a pink mini-skirt) and wearing lipstick and makeup as he flexed his not inconsiderable muscles for the camera.

Further uncorroborated allegations stated that Moat was a police informer, a rapist, a wife beater, and potentially a murderer, long before he embarked on his gun rampage.

It appears strange to Skoob News that such polarised views of Raoul Moat can satisfactorily co-exist in the same medium on the same day. Was Moat a saint or a sinner? Who is right, and who is wrong?

Because from incoming information, our man can't quite figure it all out. What if both sides are true? Then we'd be talking about two completely seperate people - whereas Raoul Moat was only one individual.

After careful consideration, and much soul searching, this reporter concluded that he was too thick to conduct a proper analysis at this time, and thus will focus on news items covering celebrity meltdowns and outsized genitalia.

There will be more to say about the late Raoul Moat, but we're hedging our bets until we get some hard, reliable evidence.

More as we get it.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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