Police Criticised for "Forgetting Those Who Were On Holiday"

Funny story written by PNH

Monday, 12 July 2010

image for Police Criticised for "Forgetting Those Who Were On Holiday"
Holiday-makers, the day before yesterday

NORTHUMBRIA POLICE HAS COME UNDER heavy criticism from ABTA following their handling of the Raoul Moat fugitive case.

Moat himself, who spent a week on the run from the afternoon of 3rd July to the early morning of 10th July, when he committed suicide, has also been the subject of complaints from many holidaymakers returning home over the weekend.


"I normally follow these things on the 24 hour news," complained Deborah Jamieson, 25, a haberdasher from Accrington, who had spent the week of Raoul's pursuit on a beach in Spain. "But we were barely aware of anything going on until we landed at Stanstead on the Saturday afternoon - and by that time, Moat had inconsiderately killed himself."

Michael O'Reilly, benevolent CEO of Rianayr Airlines, has angrily demanded that the week-long Northumbrian stake-out and suicide be re-enacted for the sake of holidaymakers who were away from Britain for the duration of the case. That way, he argues, "they can follow the whole thing live on telly, and relive the queasily vicarious excitement of bloodlust tabloid television for a whole seven days. Everyone else in Britain got to watch the news while salivating through a red mist, so why not my customers?"

Stephen Fry

Various celebrities and actors have already volunteered to play the role of Raoul Moat in the reinactment, including Dougie Henshaw, Stephen Fry and Tilda Swinton. Mr O'Reilly has assured all of his passengers that any charges incurred for organising the re-enactment will be charged retrospectively to their credit cards within the next four weeks, with no prior warning, whether the re-enactment actually takes place or not.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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