Tube train arrives on time - driver suspended

Funny story written by Sir Charles Cheese-Cake

Monday, 5 December 2005

image for Tube train arrives on time - driver suspended
The northern line express arrives at Edgware

London Underground were at the centre of yet another embarassment today after one of its trains arrived on time, bringing yet more misery to the capital

The incident occurred yesterday morning on the busy stretch of the northern line which runs from south west to north london. The train from New Malden left thousands of unsuspecting passengers stranded at work early after safely depositing them at various stops on its way north. Passengers and staff reportedly stared "in horror and disbelief" as the train later rolled in to Edgware station bang on time at 9.47 am GMT.


Commuters were understandably left shaken by the event, whilst others such as Robert Uppenden were more angry, "It's outrageous," he snarled, "I deliberately left home thirty-five minutes before I needed to, as usual, yet instead - this happens ! I turned up to work a whole quarter of an hour early...I mean it's just not on. My colleagues are getting suspicious and my boss wont believe the same story again !" Another commuter who asked not to be named for fear of reprisals simply said "If this continues I'm going to have to get another job. I just can't take the stress any longer !"


The police were quick to praise the tube's vastly overpaid employees who managed to limit the suffering of commuters with repeated garbled messages every ten seconds about the signals. Emergency procedures were also quickly invoked by the underground's dedicated managers. They ensured that specially trained staff were on hand at various stations throughout the morning to hand out bottles of water to distressed and disorientated passengers. One pregnant woman had to be rushed to hospital after the shock broke her waters - she had a girl.


Passenger groups were this morning calling for a full and urgent enquiry. The incident is the latest to dog tube bosses who thought they had consigned punctuality to the history books. It comes just weeks after a District Line train arrived back at Wimbledon with enough time to allow its passengers to catch the last bus. "We have suspended the driver, pending a full enquiry" A London Underground spokesman was quoted as saying, "we would like to assure our customers that our usual service will be resumed as soon as we've all had a cup of tea and a good old whinge about the British public"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more