New Car May Cause US/UK War

Funny story written by Gary Midgeley

Saturday, 12 June 2010


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They may send Arnie after us

A fleet of hydrogen fuel cell cars that emit nothing but water vapour will be trialled by UK drivers from 2012, but may cause a war.

The unusual two-seat city car was designed and developed by British company Riversimple. It's lightweight, capable of 50 mph and can travel up to 200 miles on a tank of hydrogen, giving it the equivalent of 300 mpg economy.

As hydrogen is created from water and the car emits nothing but water vapour, this will be the World's first, fully green, mass produced vehicle and if the road tests are successful, it's thought the hydrogen engine will be used in all cars by 2020.

But in a cruel twist of fate-and thanks to BP and the ongoing Gulf oil spill turning the sea into oil, water supplies all over the globe will become very scarce, pushing the price of water up at a potentially startling rate and it's thought that by the time all cars have hydrogen engines, the price of water will be double or even triple that of what oil currently costs today, due to no sea being left after being replaced by oil, meaning the car will be good for the environment, but bad for peoples pockets.

With the rumours that oil is being phased out and replaced by water as fuel, the price of oil has dropped to an all time low, by a staggering 99 percent, making it cheaper to buy per litre than piss and it's said oil will quickly become obsolete in the near future.

The news has already sent ripples all around the world, sparking immediate action from the US as they pull their armed forces out of Iraq and Afghanistan and also say they don't care about Kuwait anymore either, claiming it to be a "big misunderstanding". "It has all just been a big training exercise in preparation for the real threats that are out there, which we will attack and invade shortly", said Whitehouse spokesman Ken Neville. When pushed to name those threats, he would only name one, "I can confirm we now believe the small French town of Volvic has weapons of mass destruction and we will be taking swift action", but claimed he couldn't tell us about anymore threats as they remain "Top secret".

A Whitehouse insider leaked a list to the press, allegedly containing locations of possible terrorist targets that the US plan to attack and invade in the near future, which turned out to be really surprising as Scotland's Loch Ness, England's Lake District and the town of Buxton were all apparently on the list, which in some peoples eyes, explains why the US President, Barack Obama, is now anti-British and evidence that this will be a US lead "War for Water". The Whitehouse refused to comment on these allegations.

David Cameron has told Britain's not to panic though, confidently describing these allegations as "just ridiculous". "This is simply never going to happen, I assure you, the US will not attack and invade us, we and the US are friends and that friendship has never, ever been stronger than it is now, we have nothing to worry about, this is scare mongering and we fully trust our US brothers" explained the PM in an interview from his new cave office, high in the mountains at an undisclosed location. The tape of that interview will be shown again on a WebTV channel very soon, along with further broadcasts from the PM in his cave HQ as David Cameron continues to do things a little differently to Labour.

The hydrogen car hasn't even been released yet, but already it seems to have made a big impression.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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