Written by Lady Godiva

Friday, 11 June 2010

image for Red Squirrels returning to England
I'm off to get my hair dyed red....

Red squirrels will soon been seen hopping through the forests and up and down trees in gardens across England. They used to be a common sight until the greys were introduced from North America a number of decades ago.

The grey squirrels are said to be 'fit to be tied' at the news because they were worrying about their own fate.

A grey squirrel spokesman said, "We greys are obviously concerned. We realize the Brits. love the reds and we have no worries about them being reintroduced. Indeed, we'll probably all get along famously and you may see some 'mixed race' squirrels out there in the not too distant future.

One thing that DOES worry us greys is the way in which the so called 'experts' are planning to 'manage' us greys number-wise.

Apparently contraceptives will be put into our food, which is just not right. Many of us are devout Catholic squirrels and this just goes against our religious beliefs. This is cruel,unfair and definitely politically incorrect. Something needs to be done about this and quickly.

We have sent a 'grey' over to Rome to speak on our behalf, to squirrels in the Vatican. Hopefully they can get to the Pope and let him know what is happening to some of his devout, Catholic grey squirrels in Britain.

Meanwhile, a number of us have enlisted the help of local hairdressers and are going to be getting red dye jobs a.s.a.p. in order to please the Brits. and avoid being given the contraceptives.

Sure we'll have to have our roots 'touched up' every few weeks, but it'll be well worth it in the long run.

If the biologists, researchers or whoever, had thought of recolouring our fur, themselves, they could have saved the country a hell of a lot of money."

The Spokesman for the greys, hopped off with his nuts and headed for his first 'dye' job.'

More as this story unfolds.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Squirrel

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