Written by Gary Midgeley

Wednesday, 9 June 2010

image for Oxford Street Shopper Siege
Oxford Street after the attack

Six people were arrested, another was taken to hospital and one of London's busiest shopping areas was closed after a mass water fight broke out.

The Oxford Street attack began on Friday at 1pm and continued for several hours when hundreds of people, armed with high calibre water guns stormed the busy street. "I had a feeling something was wrong when I saw all the guns" said a witness, "Then one guy approached a crowd, pointed his gun at them and just started spraying. He showed no emotion, no sympathy, his eyes just looked dead as he continued to spray the crowd without remorse, it was barbaric and an image I'll never forget for the rest of my life".

CCTV footage of the attack graphically shows victims getting sprayed mercilessly and without discrimination by their attackers, with puddles of water clearly visible on the floor and sprays of it on walls where the popular London street truly ran wet with water.

One brave member of the public was said to have tried to wrestle a gun from an attacker, but unfortunately failed in his attempt and was immediately sprayed point blank in the chest several times by the attacker, in full view of his watching wife and kids. "The poor man got sprayed in his chest so many times-you could clearly see his man titties" said a visibly shaken witness to the attack, "It was the most horrible thing I've ever seen".

Thousands of terrified shoppers got sprayed in the incident, but they weren't the only victims as reports came in that dogs, cats and even tramps were also sprayed, before the gunmen finally turned on each other, ending the 8 hour long ordeal. "When all the gunmen left, we went in" said Sergeant Part.E.Pooper, a spokesman for Scotland Yard, "We didn't want to go in sooner as the risk of getting squirted was too high, I will not put my officers at risk" he added.

As a mark of respect for the victims, BBC 1's flagship soap Eastenders will not be shown this week. "In a few episodes due for broadcast this week, there are several scenes with water in or are water related, also due to the fact we have water in our opening titles, it didn't feel right so decided we will not be broadcasting Eastenders this week" explained the shows producer Bryan Kirkwood.

Oxford Street has re-opened since the 4/6 attack and floral tributes have started flooding in, but the flowers will quickly perish due to the new water ban now in place in central London following the attack, to help prevent this type of terrible incident happening again. A family member of one of the victims told us "The flowers may perish, but the memory of the 4/6 attack sadly will not".

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Topics: Oxford Street

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
66 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more