Written by Jimbo123

Wednesday, 9 June 2010

image for Eastenders cast voted "least attractive"
Not the Queen Vic

What kind of people follow soap opera plots? Do they eat properly? Are they nice to their families? Do they have the same friends a month later? Are they safe to drive a car? We may never know the answers to these questions because 15 million people is too many to ask.

In the meantime though here are Jimbo123's alternative soap awards 2010....

Most bitchy cast award? Hollyoaks.

James Corden knows his onions. Despite staggeringly beautiful girls at every turn what comes out of their mouths makes Gordon Ramsey look wet. Take Mercedes Fisher - does she ever shut up? If she lived in my house I'd have to sound proof the walls to stop the neighbours leaving and I live on an island 3 miles from the coast. Too much more 'brow furrowing' from her and she'll need to see Gok Wan in a few years.

Hollyoaks plot is fairly simple - shag your friends boyfriend unprotected and get pregnant (always), worry about it for a while, miscarry/have abortion <<repeat>>

Least attractive award? Eastenders.

Whether you are a 12yr old boy or married asian man, it seems nobody is immune to charms of same sex love. Will Peggy 'come out' before she retires I wonder? You don't want to know about Pat Butcher.

And then there's the plot - how can there be a believable story with Max Branning still alive, hawking around his miserable brand of despair? The story is about as likely as Dot Cotton winning the Krypton Factor.

Eastenders won this award before the voting was even finished and it's safe to say some of the characters will not be swapping roles with Hollyoaks beauties anytime soon. I used to think a lot of Phil Mitchell.

Most Northern Accents? - Joint Emmerdale & Coronation Street

Dossers favorite? - Doctors

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Eastenders, Ugly

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