After centuries of ridicule, the town of Luton is to finally give way to bulldozers and return the land to tranquil countryside. Just the passable St Mary's church will remain. Luton airport meanwhile will be rebranded 'London North' so people who knew the town can 'get closure' and move on.
As long ago as 1217, Falkes de Breaute a mercenary working for King John I passed through 'Loo-town' describing it as 'Un morceau de matières fécales', and since then things have only got worse culminating in the construction of the Arndale shopping centre, described by critics as 'God's own tears'
The logistics of the operation are not said to be difficult with most residents opting to return to their home countries however the decision caused an embarassing upset in the commons this morning.
Kelvin Hopkins made a passionate plea for clemency saying "This is the wrong solution for a country short on housing, with huge population problems ahead. Luton is a beautiful town, with cobbled streets and important tudor architecture. It must be spared."
However the government responded "We are shocked the honourable member for Luton North since 1997 has clearly never visited his constituency."
