A mysterious religious artifact has gone on display in Luton, Bedfordshire. The shroud is considered by some to be the replica of the arse of Jesus Christ. Sister Mary Mingetickler of Our Lady of Leagrave Catholic Church said "Jesus wiped his arse shortly after the loaves and fishes. He used the cloth that we now have here in Luton. If you look closely you can see the brown stains and the crack of his arse."
The shroud has caused many arguments throughout history. It was first sighted in Canterbury in 1275. Many pilgrims travelled to catch a glimpse of the Holy Cheeks. It was alleged to have been captured in Jerusalem by the Knights Templar. However, Sir Edmund De Ponce claimed that the shroud was a forgery. In his Magna Farta of 1290 he wrote "Jesus had a very small arse. This is mentioned by Luke. The shroud depicts a big, hairy arse. It cannot be the bum of the Son of God."
Despite these doubts the Catholic Church has considered the shroud to be a holy relic. The shroud moved all round Britain until it settled in Luton. The Pope is expected to visit Luton later this year and a special mass will be held at Kenilworth Road, home of Luton Town FC.
Local businessman Stig O'Toole said "It's an arse. I don't know if it's really Jesus, but I know an arse when I see it."
