Teachers have successfully lobbied the government into the banning of fractions.
Simple fractions such as 4/5 or 1/2 will remain, however more difficult imbibers such as 7/9 or the infamous 7/13 will be removed from the A level curriculum until further notice.
Universities attacked the move stating "You would not believe how stupid and drunk our students already are - this is a stagger back."
However ministers defended the decision saying it would alleviate the vast burden on psychiatrists and drug dealers.
One bone of contention is whether 22/7 will remain since it is a useful substitute for pi.
The department for families, schools and knives issued the following statement "We accept that circles are more complicated than squares but only spheres are currently under review."