Disgraced Sara Ferguson, Duchess of York and ex-wife of Prince Andrew, sought asylum at the US Consulate in NYC today declaring that she was an 'ill-regal' alien with no money, no talent, no trade, and no redeeming social value to support her plea for asylum other than a demand to protect her 'human rights."
At first her claim of being an 'ill-regal' alien was misunderstood, the Consulate Secretary saying he was sure she wanted the Chinese Embassy as they routinely deal with 'ill -regals."
Eventually that was sorted out over tea and her transgressions were confirmed by English Rag The News of the World that was responsible for causing the flap over Fergie's quite gauche money grubbing scheme to sell access to the royal family.
Former President Bill Clinton, in town on a banking errand and to straighten out some accounts with Goldman Sachs and the Royal Bank of Dubai, heard of her plight and rushed over to the consulate to console the Dowdy, Dotty Duchess.
Officials say the two were huddled in private consultation for over two hours at the end of which a spokesman for Mr. Clinton said that he would be sponsoring Fergie for a green card, would sponsor a charity auction to raise funds for her, give her a summer job as an intern, and make available a 'small flat' over the carriage house at his Chappaqua, NY home that he occasionaly shares with his surrogate wife Hillary, currently US Secretary of State.
A flustered, slightly blushing Fergie was seen to emerge from the meeting appearing much more up beat than when she was forced to flee her home country under the cloud of scandal.
Observors did note that there was some dampness around her forehead, and her open toed sandals did reveal what appeared to be the remnants of saliva on her well pedicured toes.
Much like the Duke of Windsor who abdicated the throne for 'the woman I love", Fergie has abdicated her place in the UK for an opportunity for endless shopping, the fawning of the mindless Hollywood stars who will scrap over her to have her at their parties, and a life of easy money as she makes the round of endless talk shows.
Larry King, who usually doesn't go for the zoftig type, has been clamoring to have a pre show conference with Fergie, and Oprah of course is vying with The View to have the first interview.
It is said that sex therapist and advisor "Dr. Ruth" is preparing a special, and "Dr. Phil" said "I can't wait to get my hands on her to see what makes her tick!'
It appears that life will now be 'good' for the wayward Duchess of Pork who also has been approached by TLC to pair her with either Christie Alley or Kate Gosslein in a new realty series dealing with either obsessive eating or insatiable greed.
As soon as she 'gets it', you'll have the rest of the story!
