Reacting to a firestorm of outrage in the UK after being caught on tape selling 'access' to her husband, and presumably his Royal Business Contacts, the Duchess of Pork (sic), after consultation with her PR staff in the Colonies, said she had 'misspoken' during the filmed 'money shot' where she took a $40,000 down payment on future monkey business.
In keeping with the Colony politicians who can look the camera in the eye and address the US electorate saying "I did not indulge in (sex, bribery, bestiality, tax fraud, insider trading, resume fraud, lying, cheating, adultery etc) and continue to smile benevolently surrounded by loving paid friends, business partners, and spouses of arranged and profitable marriage," Fergie managed to tough it out.
"It was just a misunderstanding...my fault really. I thought these nice gentlemen wanted to either hire me for a new US reality show, or donate to one of my charities...I was really confused, gobsmacked...codswalloped! Somehow, I just managed to blurt out the sum of $750,000 as a reasonable donation, or the pay for a 10 part show filmed in the Aussie outback....either one I guess. Don't know where that amount came from...just kind of jumped into my little ole empty head. HA! I'm such a DUNCE sometimes...Andrew is the real brains in the marriage, doncha know! I really have no sense of money and accounts!"
At least one London newspaper seemed eager to let Fergie off the hook, jumping in with a puff piece likening her to "everyone's dotty old aunt, don't you know!"
"Them guys must have been new to the realm,' said one gruff Royal watcher, "me, I wouldn't give her a farthing....them boys were so dumb, they must have thought they were paying for her by the pound....HAR!"
