Shock as report reveals police may have killed Blair Peach

Funny story written by Fergie73

Tuesday, 27 April 2010

image for Shock as report reveals police may have killed Blair Peach
Officers X and Y yesterday

After only 31 years, a police report has been issued which states that protestor Blair Peach may have been killed by a policeman.

'This has come as an absolute shock,' a friend of the New Zealander's said. 'No one could even have guessed that. ' Speculation has been rife in the short time since Blair's death about how he may have died, during a routine demonstration against fascism. Some thought he may have hit his head on the pavement accidentally; others favoured the idea that it was a freak hailstorm with only one, very large piece of hail, which melted shortly after killing the 33 year old.

'There was a suggestion at one stage,' said Inspector Bent of the Metropolitan police, 'that it may have been a member of the police who assaulted the man. Sting and Stuart Copeland were both held for questioning for a short time, before being released without charge.'

However the report, written after the incident in 1979 claims that some police officers may, in fact, have lied. 'It seems,' one paragraph of the report says, 'that some of the officers on the ground have inconsistent stories that don't entirely add up. For example, the explanation of one, Officer X, that 'I saw a big boy come and hit that man then run away really, really quickly,' was unconvincing. As was Officer Ys, 'a big alien spaceship came down and these green men got off and killed him only no one else saw because they froze time.' Some of these officers may have been confused, the report concluded.

The Crown Prosecution Service is aware of the report, but says charges can only be brought if there is sufficient new evidence, such as a confession. Officers X and Y will be asked again to see if they remember the incident any better now, and can provide such evidence. Asked why it had taken so long for the report to be released, the PCC said it had done the report on time but the dog had eaten it.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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