Army vets were shocked to learn today they would not be considered for employment by a local business man who said he preferred to hire pedophiles and convicted drug dealers instead.
The man, who can not be named due to a ruling confirmed by the EU Council of Ministers in order to protect his Human Rights was immediately granted a new identity and a larger council house with 24 hour security as members of 4 Para were seen to 'kit up' in preparation to "jump all over his arse."
To date English troops have suffered 179 deaths and 5920 Casualties in Iraq, and 272 deaths and 4732 Casualties in Afghanistan in the war against "Terror", although that term is no longer considered politically correct by council members of the EU.
Allegedly the man was already under investigation for manufacturing inferior bullet proof vests, canteens that leaked, and desert boots with soles that delaminated after coming into contact with Afghanistan's arid terrain.
At least 3 Shadow Ministers, aptly named, refused to confirm that the man in actuality had been awarded the contracts despite the fact he was in the country illegally from Algeria, and had ties to several militant Muslim groups in the UK protesting the country's participation in the conflicts.
A spokesman for the man reaffirmed his comments and added that he would be more than pleased to offer employment to 'reformed' murderers Jon Venables and Robbie Thompson at such time as their sentences were commuted. Carrying it even further, he announced that he had already offered a marketing contract to Jedward, upon hearing that they had been released by their current record company.
According to Sergeant Major Ian Rafferty, veteran of 6 tours overseas, "this bloke is definitely putting out the wrong message, and seems prepared to continue to sing off key."
