Paterson, N.J. - In these dark day's of Obama's America, breaking into the job market is harder than ever. That's why the good people at Whiteman and Blechboi have provided a list of tips to help you ace any interview and make that job your's!
1. Leave your cell phone on. Nothing says, "I'm worthless and no one needs me" like your phone not ringing. When it does ring, check the number, so the interviewer can see that you are so important that you screen your calls. After that, make sure you take the call, so the interviewer has a chance to witness your telephone and interpersonal skills.
2. Bring food. You should always be ready to keep your energy up for the grueling questions of a modern day interview. This also shows the interviewer that you are a go-getter, who does not need time off for lunch, but can multi-task with the best of them. Make sure to offer the interviewer a bite of your sandwich, it shows courtesy and respect.
3. Make sure you bond with the interviewer. Be interested enough to ask questions, too. "What god do you worship?", "Are you and your wife in an 'open' relationship?", "What's the worst thing you've ever got away with here?" These questions show that you are a people person, and further, not afraid to step up and claim equals footing from the get go.
4. Don't over prepare. Potential employers do not like to be pigeon holed right out of the gate. Do not look at their website or brochures, and don't research their company in advance. Rather, let the interviewer explain it to you, after you plead ignorance. He'll appreciate the opportunity to describe the company as he sees it, and it allows you more opportunity to bond.
5. Honesty counts. Interviewers do not want to hear safe sounding reasons for a change in career. Rather, let them know why you really left the last job. Be it your boss being a petty tyrant or the other workers being jealous of your performance, or the woman from payroll making false accusations about you, honesty is the best policy, and will demonstrate your trust in the interviewer and confidence in yourself. And also, make clear to him that you don't expect to see that kind of thing in his company, so he knows from the start that you don't play games.
6. Dress for success. Interviewers do not want to hire just another stuffed suit. They want men and women who know their worth and don't try to get by on 'the gift wrapping'. Dress as you would for a stroll in the park, be it torn jeans or a mini-skirt, a tank top or a halter. When they see this, they'll know that they are hiring a mind, not some superficial clothes horse.
7. Be prepared for the standard questions. If they ask if you have a record, inquire as to how thorough their search usually is. There is no sense in bringing up that unfortunate incident in California if the job you are applying for is in Michigan and they only check locally. If they ask if you use drugs, inquire as to which ones, so you don't confess more than you need to. If they ask about your credit history, explain your deep abiding faith in the philosophy of Proudhon who said, "Property is theft". (This also lets them know you're a scholar)
8. Wrap it up professionally. When the interview is at an end, make sure you let him know that you'll need a firm committment as to your pay before you can invest the time in a second interview. This portrays you as a man of means, who need not wait around for whatever crumb they choose to toss you. For the same reason, tell them that you'll need plenty of lead time in when your start day will be, as you have 'other irons in the fire'.
Bonus Tip: If your interviewer is of the opposite sex, use pleasant flirting to help break the ice and make them more comfortable with you. People enjoy compliments, so inquire if he works out, or if 'those' are natural.
Author's note: This article inspired by an MSN article about what not to do in an interview.
