Forced Old Age Increasing Says Charity

Funny story written by Earl Grey

Thursday, 25 February 2010

image for Forced Old Age Increasing Says Charity
"I hope I die before I get... oh bollocks!"

Age Concern says that the number of people getting older is on the increase with some becoming infirm, gibbering wrecks against their wishes. The number of people who have started wearing cardigans and sensible shoes has risen by over 50 % the report shows.

Doris Teacosy, a voluntary researcher for Age Concern as she is 85 years old, said "It's quite shocking. But, oh, the world today. I blame the parents. The kids have got no respect. Have you seen the price of carrots?"

Britain is in danger of becoming a nation of elderly. Action is called for. Stig O'Treacy has set up a mail-order business to supply incontinence pants. "We will deliver so that your liver doesn't" said the entrepreneur. "I also supply coffins so I think that I've got the market well covered."

Age Concern say that old age is being forced on a number of people who wouldn't choose it if they could avoid it. Doris Teacosy again "It's God's fault. He really ought to understand that being a biddy is a real bugger."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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