Botched Burglary Boils Boyles Blood

Funny story written by Nick Hobbs

Wednesday, 27 January 2010

image for Botched Burglary Boils Boyles Blood
Probably not responsible for the sexual attack at SuBo's house.

In a shock discovery, Susan Boyle returned home to find a man in her house.

The Scottish tree pig had been recording a song for the 'Stop Haiti Shaking' fund, when she returned to her council house in West Lothian.

As she opened the front door she was confronted by an intruder standing on her stairs.

"Well that was it," said 'Scary' Mary McTosis, SuBo's friend and neighbour, "Susan saw this guy on the stairs and just sprinted at him."

She rugby talked the bemused would-be burglar and bundled him up the stairs. "She had never seen a man on her stairs before, so she couldn't let a chance like that pass, I'm not sure what happened then, I guess she locked him in an upstairs bedroom to keep him detained," McTosis continued.

Police were called, after an hour and a half, and they had to storm the house to retrieve the now naked thief from an upstairs bedroom.

"The burglar has sustained various deep scratch marks to his body, there are also traces of biting and some of his hair seems to be missing in clumps," said Det. Hubert McFardle.

"This man has undergone a severe and sustained sexual attack by some kind of animal, I would guess," he continued.

The 'victim' is undergoing severe trauma counciling in an undisclosed private hospital.

SuBo was unavailable for comment. She does not own any animals.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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