Reeling in the longest cold snap in thirty years Britons are turning to Vodka and Saunas to warm themselves from cold fingers and toes and muscles sore from shoveling snow.
Sauna salesman "Buzz" Anders Anderson says sales are through the roof. "We have people wanting to convert their entire house into a sauna."
"Imagine that!"
"We are selling not just saunas but sauna accessories, wooden buckets, ladles, sauna soap, you name it. Everything you need to cope with winter and winter induced depression."
"We hand out a complementary ABBA CD with each new sauna purchase. We just sold 1,000 sauna heaters by themselves just to thaw out Emirates Stadium!"
Vodka sales are skyrocketing hand-in-hand with sauna sales proving what Scandinavians have known all along, high alcohol content in the bloodstream lowers the temperature that human beings will freeze to death at and causes temporary memory loss of recent unpleasant cold experiences.
