It's a man's worst nightmare - to have pictures showing he is not well-endowed circulated on the internet.
Photos of a naked Jeremy Clarkson have been dropping into email boxes causing extreme embarrassment for a man who delights in all that is Alpha male. And they have provoked much debate about how big a man needs to be and does size really matter?
Women in the BTN office have been giggling at Jeremy's photo and saying: "It's not very big is it?". But the blokes have been displaying male solidarity. "It looks about normal size to me" said writer and type 2 diabetic Peter Musgrove. We asked people in the know what they thought. Does the size of a Man's marrow really matter?
Yes…. Says glamour model Jodie Marsh
"Yes but not as much as men think it matters. Most assume that bigger is better, but for me an enormous one can be almost as much a turn off as a tiny one, especially if it comes with the same sized attitude. All the men I've known with big bits (David Walliams, Terry Venables) tend to be too arrogant, while those who are less well endowed (Ricky Gervais, Stephen Hawking) make more of an effort in bed to compensate. So guys - just remember that size isn't everything, and it really is far more important to know how to please a girl and make her feel special"
When asked on what constituted 'normal size' Jodie replied "About the size small cucumber or large courgette"
No…. Says men's health expert Dr Robert Boner
"From a medical perspective, size really doesn't matter. Having a small one certainly doesn't affect a man's fertility.
The only way it might affect conception would be if he was unable to perform due to lack of confidence about how small he was. Many men with small penises suffer from an inferiority complex and often try to counterbalance this by pursuing overtly masculine career's in for example the Police or Fire service.
Sorry ladies but statistically the average Firefighter is two to three inches when non-erect and about four to five inches when erect. Compare this to your male nurse (traditionally a female occupation) who averages a cool 8 and a half inches and it is easy to see how member size can have a huge influence on life choices.
Boner continues: "Interestingly research shows that men who are relatively small when they're non-erect actually go up to the same size as bigger men when they're erect.
And fat men often cannot see their penises at all without the elaborate use of mirrors and this can be very feminizing. In psychology we call this the 'Christopher Biggins effect'"
Yes…. Says Bite the News columnist Sally Belgrano
"Of course it matters. Let's face it when you are watching a man undress for the first time there is nothing more exciting than seeing a large cock emerge from a pair of levi's. It is indicative of the patriarchal nature of our society that men can openly talk about the wonders of a 'great pair of tits' but we cannot openly express our delight in looking at 'Big Dick and his twins'"
"Nevermind Pankhurst getting us the vote, true emancipation will only have arrived when we can open page 3 of a national newspaper and ogle at a fully eroused Adrian Chiles"
No…. Says relationship expert Brian Cox
"It does not matter. Men with small ones make better lovers because guys with large ones get the impression very early in life that they are bigger and better than other blokes and tend not to focus on things like foreplay"
"I've never heard of any woman staying with a man because he was well endowed. My wife walked out on me Christmas Day 2006 not because I had a small penis but because I accidentally attacked her mother with a screwdriver on Christmas Eve 2006. The assault charge was dropped last year and I'm pleased to say that me and my medium sized penis can at last move on"
Yes…. Says retired porn film producer Ben Dover
"Women might say they don't care about size but they do. When they're presented with a big one they're thinking "Oh my God".
"When I was a stripper it was definitely de rigeur to have quite a large one. We used to have all sorts of sayings in the industry. For example, 'What do you call a man with a small penis?'. 'A total twat'. How I miss the humour of the good old days"
There's nothing like the feeling of having a big one. It's a very good confidence booster.
I left school with no 'O' or 'A' levels whatsoever, but I had what every schmuck who toddled off to college wanted.
You can stick your Isaac Newton's and your Soren Kierkegaard's, give me my 12 inch Thomas Aquinas anytime"
