I'm a thief, get me out of here!

Funny story written by IN SEINE

Saturday, 19 December 2009

image for I'm a thief, get me out of here!
"It's a good job my tractor didn't go in it!"

When a man tried to steal a £60,000 tractor from a farm in Somerset, he disturbed the farmer at about 2 a.m. whilst trying to reverse the vehicle. The 20-year-old, who appeared to be high on drugs at the time, saw the farmer approaching with his torch and tried to flee the scene. However, as the would-be thief jumped out of the tractor in the pitch dark, he had the misfortune to fall straight in to a slurry pit.

Inspector Denzil Wellington of Somerset police told In Seine News; "We were called out to the farm last night by the farmer's girlfriend who explained what had happened. We immediately informed the local fire brigade who helped us haul the chap out of a 10 feet deep slurry pit. When we got there, we found that he was shouting for help and waving a torch frantically. His head was barely above water (plus other ingredients) and we knew that we had to work fast because there have been many fatalities of this kind on farms."

"Four fire crews attended the scene and it took them over an hour to haul him from the excrement using ropes and specialist equipment. Although the firemen were wearing breathing apparatus, at least two men were overcome by fumes and had to be treated by paramedics. When he was eventually pulled out we arrested him and charged him with the attempted theft of a tractor. However, this did lead us to a dilemma - we could not hold him in prison because the smell was pretty bad and we were afraid that he would break the breathalyser. The man was released on bail to appear before magistrates sometime next month. This is to give the judges time to acquire the necessary gas masks to carry out the trial safely. Indeed, health and safety is of paramount importance here." he said.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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