Organic farmers revel in muck

Funny story written by Helen Tarnation

Saturday, 28 November 2009

MUDBURY, UK - Organic farmers raising swine have gathered by the hundreds in Mudbury to celebrate the scientific justification of their farming habits. Following upon publication in the famous science journal Nurture News that 'Dirty pigs are healthy pigs', the farmers resolved to become healthy themselves.

'I find myself feeling quite a bit more sprightly after wrestling naked with a hog in a pit of muck', said Murrin Mackley, a producer of organic swine, pork, and leather. "Me wife, she don't squiggle quite that much of late."

Other producers of organic swine reported similar sentiments, though things went wrong when they went to visit the local farmers' market.

'They smelt like filth and offal', proclaimed mayor Angus McFester, 'and the odor of their ordure drove shoppers away in droves. It nearly prompted a riot'

In fact, a number of the organic mud-revelers were assaulted with cricket-bats -- which were abandoned at the scene. 'These were quite nice bats,' McFester said, 'but once the bats were polluted with the slime which was the farmers' sole attire, the bats were promptly abandoned.'

A French representative of Greenprice International, an Amsterdam-based multinational with global jurisdiction, instantly sprang to the farmers' defense.

'Persecuting people on the basis of their personal scent is a direct affront to all French people', said Doreen Stabinsquie, a spokesperson for the group. 'If a person chooses a personal scent associated with their occupation, or bathing habits, that is a personal decision.'

The farmers involved in the incident were released on their promise to return to answer charges of public obnoxiousiety.

'It is doubtful that we will be able to identify the defendants upon their return to justice', McFester said. 'They were so thoroughly coated with excrement, and so repellent to witnesses, that scarcely anyone would be able to identify a single one of them.'

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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