Gordon Brown sensationally lost his face today. The British Prime Minister was giving a speech at the Beggar's End old peoples unit in Staffordshire, when the accident occurred.
Witness Langley Felch, 69, said "He was going on about how good the Labour party was to old folks, and how under the Conservatives we would be sleeping rough, under boxes in Peckham, when he did that sucky in thing he does with his chin and bottom lip."
Usually after an inhalation like this, Brown would just breathe out and carry on. But, Mr Felch continues, "he was just stuck breathing in. After about 30-35 seconds his eyes were darting about and he was looking quite panicked."
Maury Lambeth, 82, said "After that a few people started trying to help, calm him down and stuff, but he was still inhaling. His nose went in first, just kind of got sucked in to his mouth. Then his chin. Once the eye's got drawn in that was it, the rest of his head just followed like a sluice being opened."
"His body just slumped over then. There was a horrible gurgling sound and then nothing," said Felch.
Mr Brown was rushed to an undisclosed private hospital for head removal treatment.
The medical team are thought to be the same team of experts who successfully removed David Cameron's foot from his mouth in 2008, but who were unsuccessful in removing Nick Griffin's head from his arse. Ever.
More as we get it.
