Beefeaters Are Stark Raven Sexists

Funny story written by DaddyMothership

Monday, 2 November 2009

image for Beefeaters Are Stark Raven Sexists
Birds shouldn't have royal jobs. The Queen would be furious.

The legend has it that when the birds leave the Tower of London then the British crown and British kingdom will fall. This myth doesn't seem to bother some old Yeomen there at the moment though. They have been found guilty of bullying the only female Beefeater there, trying to force her to quit the post.

"It seems the old fellas don't give a toss about the birds leavin' the Tower like." A passerby told me.

A senior Yeoman of the Guard even had his ruffled collar felt by the Metropolitan Police after using the internet to do a bit of cyber bullying toward Moira Cameron.

He had emailed her saying that the last twins at the Tower were smothered with pillows and ended up with bones. Does she want her twin pillows to have the same effect on the old Beefeaters?

"This is a close knit community," a Beefeater who wished to remain anonymous told me. "We don't want any trouble here, we do a very important and prestigious job." He then left to pose for a photograph with an elderly American Tourist and her handbag dog.

One other Yeoman told me he had no qualms about speaking out about female Beefeaters.

"Beefeaters!" He laughed. "More like fish-munchers if you know what I mean. I mean the last prisoner here wasn't called Rudolph Jess was he." He said before leaving to pose for a photograph with a group of scouts.

The estate has stood by Ms Cameron and made a stern warning to all sexist Yeoman that any more bullying will have them locked up in the Tower with a twenty four hour guard of post-op Transgender Beefeaters.

So there you have it. You don't need to have any Crown Jewels to guard the Tower; you just need to keep them safe.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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