A new report has shown that children who begin learning at age 4 are more likely to commit crime.
A study involving 500 children running over 20 years found that all children who began school at 4 years old committed more crime than those who were kept in shoe boxes under the stairs or in the cellar where children belong.
The Royal University of the whole World in Basingstoke, who ran the study, found that the 250 children sent to school, subjected to savage beatings and fed grool committed more crime than those 250 children kept at home.
Minister of Education (and Savage Beatings), Dr Toby Slaughter said, "Based on these results, we're recommending that all children should kept in 'the hole' to keep them out of trouble.
"The system obviously works, anyone who says otherwise should be sent to school and receive a savage beating! These results must be right, who wants to go to school, get savagely beaten and fed grool? Nobody, that's who!"
The Minister continued, "We then have the opportunity of getting rid of primary school teachers who are, let's face it, incredibly irritating. They talk slowly to you as if you were 4 years old and maintain that creepy eye contact with their eyebrows raised you know, 'Do-you-understand-what-I'm-say-ing?' Even when your having sex with them. Well rid of!"
The law is due to be passed tomorrow with mass deportations to France of Primary school teachers beginning next week.
