LONDON (ABSNN) - It's been a tough few days for TheSpoof.com CEO and Executive Editor, Mark Lowton. Thursday night Lowton was arrested for the illegal possession of pickled cackleberries with the intent to smell. Bail was arranged for Lowton, but he was forced to wear an ankle bracelet that allows the authorities to pinpoint his whereabouts at any time, night or day.
So, it was quite easy for the Secretary General of Interpol to locate Lowton and file a request for his arrest and transport to Paris where he is charged with being an international mustache thief responsible for the theft of more than 175 pencil thin, French mustaches.
According to Renee Poosey, Chief Inspector of Interpol's Crimes against Humanity Division, Lowton stole the moustaches from men and women sleeping in their beds at home-and even from corpses laid out in funeral parlors.
"Missewer Lowton, he glues the mustaches on his girly face and then offers Mustache Rides to French ladies he accosts on the elevators of the Eiffel Tower," said Chief Inspector Poosey.
"Do the women accept the rides of their own free will, Inspector?" asked Lowton's solicitor, Queen Mudder.
"Wee-wee, Madame, they do. But the pervert charges 5 Euro per ride and then absconds with the money after the women have pulled their drawers down around their thick, French ankles and cannot run after him," he said.
"Why steal so many mustaches?" asked ABSNN's Francois Dubois, S.J.
"It is part of his maniacal scheme, don't you see. He offers just the type of mustache the woman wishes to ride, then runs away, leaving only a stinking cackleberry behind. Our women must be protected at all costs."
Thus far, the Queen's PM, Gordon Brown, has refused to extradite Lowton due to "National Security" issues.
"We mean to arm our rockets with his pickled eggs, despite the fact that doing so would constitute a war crime," said Brown.
