A World Health Organisation spokesman today blamed the Irish and the Chinese for an unsustainable explosion in the population of the planet.
With 1.2 billion citizens, the role of the Chinese in the breeding process is explicable, but the Irish, with a population less than that of Greater London were more enigmatic. As usual.
Dermot Mulrooney of Oxford Population Studies told us:
"With a relatively small population, the mystery of how there are so many people with pure Irish ancestry flung about the four corners of the globe may appear to be a mystery.
"But it isn't really. The typical Irish male is a tall handsome fella who likes a drink or two and would rather give the wife a portion than catch the bus to work of a morning. And he'll talk his way out of anything, even if he hasn't actually kissed the Blarney Stone. The typical Irish male thrives on sex, booze, and pissing about on the internet."
We discovered that Irish women were extremely domineering, but the gorgeous Colleens couldn't ever control their menfolk. So they started a trend of marrying Italians, Turks, Spaniards and Jamaicans.
And the menfolk went off to Italy, Turkey, Spain and Jamaica to impregnate the women.
"There was once a Chilean footballer from Tierra Del Fuego named Hugo Ramos De Las Putas De La Fuego O'Malley," we were told.
Says it all really.
More as we get it.